. . d i a r y . .



7/7/19
time:9:15PM
mood:
eating: spicy tempura seeweed
listening: *youtube plays in the bg*



i had a nice chill sunday. i woke up around 10:45am, went to my studio for a few hours, then i walked ~15 mins to sunrise mart for snacks (it was sooo nice out!) and then before getting on the bus home i grabbed some crispy tofu takeout! it's my go-to lately and i saved some for lunch tomorrow :-) i wanted to spend some time on pampering myself today so i went home a little early and i took a nice shower, slapped on a sheet mask and did my nails!

i miss drawing and comics have been on my mind lately so while in the shower i was daydreaming ideas!! back in 2016 i made a one-shot comic to submit for lilies anthology and while i wasn't accepted i've always wanted to re-do it and expand on it!! anyone else always want to retell the same story in a thousand ways?? i was drawing this one sci-fi comic for a while and i always end up re-doing it..lol. but i just wanna draw cute romance/slice of life comics with demon girls :-)

another shower thought i had was to make a fashion based zine? i've been digging into 90s-00s fashion archives/magazines for my art practice for maybe the past two years and the y2k resurgence is alive and well...which i can be fully sentimental about since i was a wee ol tween during that period and very much remember consuming many magazines during my formative years. my lo-key fav fashion youtubers are ppl like internet girl, rian phin, kailee mckenzie. and im loving what kiko mizuhara is doing with her office kiko brand (also ive been a unif fan for many many years). the concept for my monthly zine could be like 3-4 "personalities" who feature media/things they like, outfits they put together, and whatever else! short interviews, drawings, and maybe stickers. would that even be logistical? i just want to make something cute and enjoyable and share content with others!

well okay, i'm going to go wind down for the night

xoxo,
m



7/7/19
time:1:01AM
mood:
eating: n/a
listening: n/a

i should be sleeping but here i am!! hello! i was able to get a few hours in the studio in despite my slight hangover and sleeping in late :-) the start of my residency is coming up with our first meeting on wednesday.. i need to prepare my lil artist slide!

ann demeulemeester spring/summer 1999

so this skirt i ordered online came in the mail today and i think i will return it :-( bummer! it's nice but it's a lil see through and the color wasn't what i was expecting! anyways i don't love it so no reason to keep it..

but in better news i finally was able to grab a shirt i've been lusting after for years! it's the anna sui x opening ceremony top that i saw in store like...3 years ago and i didn't get it then but it's been on my mind since and i've even featured it on my comic characters! i've come across it once on depop and waited too long to get it and that was like maybe a year ago lmao. anyways its finally in my hands. lucky me :-)



i want to make comics again...haha

xoxo,
m



7/5/19
time:11:11PM
mood: (‐^▽^‐)
eating: miller high life
listening: n/a

i'm on a 4 day weekend break!! woohoo!! yesterday was super fun my friend and her mom came over for a bbq with my family! i made a lemon froyo and it was soo good. then my boyfriend came later and we all watched the fireworks on tv and hung out. also i got into petz again.. i'm so happy the community online is still thriving cause that's what made me want to play again! i played catz 4+5 as a kid and i loved it soo much. i can't believe some of the websites i used to visit are still up. i even remember using petz workshop to make my own breed files! i tried to do that today but for some reason i can't get my files to show up in game..hmm lol. anyways im so obssessed with this breed called trinket i got from VPZ Research Center. below are some pics of my two cats syd and glitter!! hover for descriptions!



xoxo,
m


6/30/19
time:10:36PM
mood: (‐^▽^‐)
eating: sapporo
listening: unif radio

hi!! i wish i had something to post about but i've been a lil uninspired this week!! yesterday i went to my studio for the first time in a week and i just spent a half hour goofing off and then i went home. lol

and today i was planning to go to my studio for the day, then my boyfriend wanted to go to pride(we're both bi!)....and then we slept in and didnt go so because i was so freakin bored and can't stand not doing anything i decided to learn reaper, a free/cheap DAW (digital audio workspace) and oh my gosh is it soooo much better than audacity. it's not too difficult to learn and i've tried it out with live guitar playing & making drum tracks already. its soooo cool and handy! comparing the two programs is like microsoft paint vs. adobe photoshop. i'm excited to use it more in the future! i've always dreamed of having a lil music production workstation when i move out to my own place..

so i'm actually coming in to work tomorrow (monday) when i'd normally be off because i'm helping my boss out with a pretty important meeting. o_o we're having a meeting with one of our photographers and like the biggest deal in the art world. like im talking about *uber* rich art patron w/ connections to art museums here in nyc. it's wild lol. but then i'm working tuesday and wednesday and then we're having a 4 day weekend!!! and THEN we're switching to our summer hours so i'll be working monday-friday like normal people lmao. ahh... did i mention i finally got paid for 6 months of freelance work on TOP of my full time job? working in the arts is both rewarding and a freakin struggle...

xoxo,
m


6/23/19
time:1:38PM
mood: lazy
eating: ice coffee
listening: projekt a-ko

guess what! my cd came in the mail yesterday. after some hiccups with trying to rip the files (i lack a cd drive, my boyfriend's laptop had a lot of issues with music programs lol..) i borrowed my dad's external cd drive and ta-da!! here is projekt a-ko's album yoyodyne for u all in a zip! this was my first time hearing the music sans one song. here is my review: this album is very much a continuation of the previous band urusei yatsura (which features the same three members) but with some slower tunes thrown in. it still has that dreamy disorted guitar sound a-la sonic youth/my bloody valentine/dinosaur jr and riffs that just stick in ur head.. i've been relistening to this album a few times over and while not all songs are winners imo im glad i took a chance and got to uncover some otherwise lost music.. enjoy!

xoxo,
m



6/19/19
time:10:11PM
mood: sappy
eating: pumpkin dumpling
listening: ovlov

i've been listening to a whole lot of urusei yatsura lately..like, it's all i listen to. lol and i've made other new discoveries like superchunk and ovlov... but i learned that urusei yatsura formed another act called project a-ko and it has been SUPER difficult to find any music from them ;_; besides this one youtube video.. their myspace is unfourtunately moot but not all is lost because i tracked down literally the only cd available for sale on discogs and promptly swiped it. so now its on my way from the uk and it's now my duty to share it with the world:-) thanks myspace for destroying archives of underground music:-(

speaking of archives my laptop is scarily filling up with space ALREADY! after one stinkin' year. so i ordered an external hardrive and will finally work on creating my own personal archive..

anyways, here's some recent snapshots of what's been going on in my studio!




xoxo,
m



6/13/19
time:12:36AM
mood: :-)
eating: seltzer water
listening: n/a (sailor moon plays in the bg...)

wow what a nice day!! i was planning to go to my studio straight after work but i got a message from the group chat that my friend was having an opening tonight and it was very last minute...but of course i had to make it!! so instead i spent all night w him which i dont regret at all :-) some pics below.. <3 <3 <3



his work was at shin gallery in nyc (on orchard st) for this week! i met him back in 2016 when we did a residency together and he ended up going to yale for grad school and he just graduated and im so proud of him!! :-D here we r together at a bar called boys don't cry...hehe



xoxo,
m


6/11/19
time:11:07PM
mood: sad
eating: wine
listening: never meant - american football

ive been enjoying the pigura doll base from pinkland lately :~) this time it's a lil me! hehe



i wore this outfit the other day for south brooklyn open studios~


featured: my new top from mango, staatsballett pants, and good ol vintage doc's made in england!
=^..^=

xoxo,
m


6/8/19
time:9:29AM
mood: tired
eating: n/a
listening: paranoid - the dickies

morning neocities! i am writing to you all from my phone (lol). i’m currently on the bus going to work.. ive been so busy the past week! im trying to squeeze in studio time after work but i can only manage 1-2 hrs before it gets too late... i dont exactly live very close to my studio but its as close as itll ever get in new york city lol

im participating in south brooklyn open studios tomorrow! so that will be fun and motivate myself to get in there before noon... since ive barely made anything in the week i was there im bringing some works from home to help fill the space!!

have a good day,
m


6/2/19
time: 11:18PM
mood: sleepy
eating: n/a
listening: sailor moon

what a sleepy yet eventful day! im all moved in to my studio and have started prepping some canvases:-) it still looks pretty bare..but it won't be long before ill be hanging up paintings on the walls. see pics below!!



studio selfie time! we went to home depot to pick up a few more things and i got this mirror lol


xoxo,
m


6/1/19
time: 9:27PM
mood: excited
eating: grape candy and asahi (i finally went to the new sunrise mart in brooklyn and wow is it huge!!)
listening: nothing o_o

happy june!! i didnt plan on moving in to my studio until tomorrow but i couldnt help myself and went in there to pick up my key and check it out and also get used to entering the building (u need a code) and funny enough i totally couldnt figure out the code until someone helped me LOL. what happened was the code was written like #1234 and i didnt think i had to press the pound key...im so dumb lol. gawrsh im soo freakin excited tho to have my very own studio..after all these years u_u. its small but i think it fits my current needs perfectly. so tonight im gonna get all my things in one place and tomorrow my dad will help me move since he has a car and can drive and i cannot :-).
AH!! ♡♡(•͈⌔•͈ ⑅)♡

xoxo,
m


5/27/19
time: 9:19PM
mood: stuffed
eating: too much food!!!
listening: sailor moon

ive been watching sailor moon all day lol. i also made this doll using a base from pink land! i couldnt decide on the shorts... but these r fun to make:-)


i want to add a page dedicated to dolling but maybe once i get more content.

ta ta for now,
m


5/26/19
time: 5:27PM
mood: (∩^o^)⊃━☆゚.*・。゚
eating: fresh fruits
listening: n/a

whoo! three-day weekend. i'm having a nice time at home with family :-) i move into my art studio next weekend and i've been doing a little supply shopping! i currently have these in my cart >>>



i wanted to make my space cute and cozy hehe. i will of course share photos of my studio once im all settled in!! i can't wait!

xoxo,
m



5/23/19
time: 8:47PM
mood: =^..^= @->---
eating: wine
listening: n/a

another update just to share this video i made the other night :-) i miss making videos and i want to make more... u can view a compilation of my stuff on my artist website (michelleselwa.com) and my latest video here AND on my instagram (but edited) heree.
i like the combination of music + video like the way pipilotti rist does it and that one video im obssessed with (here) by cecilia condit.. i always wanted to make a musical but that feels like a big project beyond me.. but never say never!

maybe in my new studio i can have a lil set up.. i mean, ive got a green screen & even one studio light (lol) so maybe look out!!

xoxo,
m


5/23/19
time: 8:13PM
mood: skrezzed
eating: queso de frier
listening: ambient noize

hi neocities! wow what week. i was super moody on my last post. but tbh im just not having a great week LOL work is just getting me down (one mistake and disaster after the other...) but anywho- i got my ultrasound results and everything is fine!! we made an appointment anyways just for a second opinion but that is a relief lol (also..my doctor is so nice!!). also i THOUGHT i was done with the dentist but sike ive got like two more appointments...pray for my wallet.......... -_- dont be like me..i havent seen a dentist in like 4 years and now im paying for it big time (i dont have dental insurance tho so can u blame me health care is stupidly expensive and it wasnt until my new job that i can afford it..)

anyways even tho work will be the death of me im gonna have a wine and relax with my boyfriend who is finally off and i finally get to spend time with him so im just gonna try 2 chill out. the office decided to take off on saturday so itll be a fun long weekend and ill be hanging with my brother :-) :-) :-)

xoxo,
m


5/20/19
time: 4:05AM
mood: anxious
eating: cheese string
listening: sailor moon season 3 dub in the background

i should really go to bed but i haven't had a monday off in like a month ashffgjk and in the morning i have to go to two dr appointments which i am really not looking forward to lol...

(tmi) i have an ultrasound appt which will prolly turn out ok but i cant help but be anxious....my best friend very recently passed from cancer and she was only 24 and im obviously still very sad about it and i miss my boyfriend and i think i just want attention :-( in better news my older brother is visiting from hawaii!! so that's been fun since we barely get to talk and meet. anywho wish me luck :-( :-( :-( after my radiology appt im going like..straight to the dentist for my last (supposedly) appointment which is costing me over $700 out of pocket ashfghk..... and after paying for my studio im so broke this month.eeeeeeeeeek

xoxo,
m


5/12/19
time: 9:24PM
mood: funny
eating: sapporro
listening: youtube autoplay

wow!! whoever linked to this site made my day.. this is so funny check it out:


this painting turns 3D like so



i could do this all day...

in other news, i made a new painting today and i wanted to play around with ............color,......form...words are losing me. i took influence from marlene dumas and anthony cudahy. maybe even put hito steryel in there only because i spent forever reading her book and her words are lodged in my brain now.

walter van beirendonck..f/w 1999, 9x12'' acrylic on panel.. i love walter van and his line wild&lethal trash..one day i will find a piece for me on ebay..

xoxo,
m

5/12/19
time: 12:37PM
mood: cold, yet dilligent
eating: n/a
listening: cowgirl clue

when i moved from an apartment to a house i left roaches behind but now my new enemy is... ants. and carpet beatles. and wasps. :-|
happy mothers day if you celebrate it! i got my mom a lil gift and we had pancakes for breakfast. then i found ants crawling on my window sill and THEN a carpet beatle! i have been at war with carpet beatles for years now ever since i found them nesting in my paintings that i stored under my bed. now theres nothing under my bed. that's also when i made the switch from painting on canvas to panel . but every now and then i find a lil bugger crawling..they drive me crazy

anyways this was such a weird BLAH week! i mean it wasn't all bad but i got sick with a cold and was out of work for two days and i went back to work on saturday to find out that.. i didn't miss much lol. oh well!! im going to rest up today because im working my freelance gig tomorrow and also going back to the dentist..eeeek

xoxo,
M

5/8/19
time: 7:57AM
mood: zzz...
eating: seltzer
listening: n/a

yesterday was my birthday and i had so much fun! i had dinner with my boyfriend and it was delicious and then we hung out with friends afterwards at the bar and pizza shop and maybe stayed out a little too late lol! i am a little nauseous rn but not terribly hungover so thats good.. also that morning i went for a (tmi)breast exam and will have to do an ultrasound for a lump:-( but lets hope its benign! i feel like i have been juggling doctors visits and freelance work on top of my full time job this month.. but also!! i just put down the deposit for my new studio!!!:-D i get to move in as early as june (rent-free!! my residency is technically july-december but they are able to offer one month free this cycle) and i am soo excited. the space is neat - it comes with a kitchen and lounge area and an outside space. my studio is 8x10ft which was the cheapest private studio i could get but i think the size is just fine for my practice. anyways the residency also comes with cool perks like monthly group meetings and open studio nights and workshops and etc etc

ok now i have to get ready for work lol!

xoxo,
M

5/5/19
time: 10:19PM
mood: full
eating: frozen smoothie
listening: M.I.A.


the climate crisis has been getting to me real bad lately...... today i wrote a letter to my congressman urging to support the green new deal but it's only a start. i was dissapointed to find out he wasn't in support of AOC (because i voted for him! it was the first time my district turned blue since 2008 and i live in NYC :-/ ). also today i opened up a robinhood account after my boyfriend kept urging me to (i was using other robo investors) and i promptly invested in some green energy etfs.....aahh.. the sense of urgency is unreal.. i also made my first painting in over a month, i've been too occupied with neocities and music. tomorrow i'm going on a tour to look at some art studios... i got into this residency in brooklyn and it'll be the first time i had a studio since 2016 lol. keep on fighting the good fight and organize. individual action won;t fix the environment. peace out.

xoxo,
M

4/29/19
time: 10:15PM
mood: tired
eating: cotten balls
listening: 90s rnb jams

ha guess what!!! i had to get my tooth extracted :-( lmao. and i got a cavity filled and 2 more appointments because theres more work to be done:-/

well after the dentist i helped my professor out in her studio arranging storage and hanging some work up. i got covered in dust!!


4/29/19
time: 10:19AM
mood: anxious
eating: coffee
listening: n/a

good morning neocities. in a few hours i will be going to my dentist appointment for a check up. im guessing i will need to have a few root canals done :-( yes i know that sounds bad. yes it's been years since i last went to the dentist. yes i also have no dental insurance

my resolution for this year was to take care of my health. after i fix my teeth im going to do a round of check ups.. go to an ob-gyn, get my blood tested..the works! please keep me in your thoughts that i have nothing serious </3 </3

xoxo,
M

4/14/19

hey yall whats up!!!!!!! the other day i had my aura photographed in chinatown and then had it translated to me - the cloud above my head was a purple blue and it meant i had a lot of things on my mind and not so much focus. basically the jack of all trades when it comes to my interests and not enough resources or commitment to do them all lol. i had such an eventful and incredible week - I caught up with old art friends from school and past residencies and did lots of fun stuff!!!!

during my vernisage in chinatown i took my friend to bluestockings and picked up Hito Steryel - Duty Free Art: Art in the Age of Planetary Civil War. I'm maybe halfway through and wow its a read.. I highly recommend if you are into technology&art&institutional critique and how url seeps into IRL. what i kind of like is that hito speaks more broadly of the use of images in our lives that aren't neccessarily in an "fine art" context.. sometimes her writing is a little dense but its worth getting through it:-) if you are unfamiliar w her writing my no.1 recommendation is In Defense of the Poor Image. I maybe read it once a year

i haven't been upkeeping with this site as I wanted to but forgive me !! i can't do it all.

xoxo,
M

2/18/19

wow!!! today makes it a month since i last updated. i've actually had this tab open for like two WEEKS before i actually sat down and wrote some content
so what's new with me? hmm so work has been going okay - can't really complain :-) some days are funny and chatty and some days are so packed-full of busyness that..i forget to eat lunch but maybe the gallery assistant life is perfect for an artist who requires financial stability but enjoys variety in her days..? hm. if you didn't know, i babysat part-time before i took on this job, which i loved but it very tiring as i made barely anything!! it's been almost 2 months now and ive been saving like crazy. like. trying to make up for having no-salary forever i've been saving about a two-thirds of my paycheck (1/3 of that gets invested) so that hopefully by 6 months or so i'll have 10k in savings. i think a lot about how to budget my money because i want to be as prepared as possible for when i move out! except there are things i dont account for, like groceries or utilities, that im not accounting for in my budget because rn im saving money for those big upfront costs like FURNISHING!!! and actually moving out!!! lol. so in a sense i would be putting aside the same amount of money?? hm.. idk! sorry but i like to talk budgeting because im a taurus and i like security.>:-) also i decided that i cant have a studio unless i get a raise. which is sort of on the back of my mind because once i hit three months employment..i can start negoiating pay........

scary!!

the time is..10:22! it's getting really close to my bedtime. i wish i had updated more often as i want to make more records of my days. one of my goals for 2019 is to make a digital archive of aLL my stuff so far..making backups of everything that will be safe and accessible for years to come..:-) which means a lot of organizing!! and i have to buy a harddrive but this is something i have my heart set on<3 it's one of those personal projects i want to complete before i move out..


1/18/19

*apparently the last time i updated was 10 years from the future*
the goal for 2019 is MORE STICKERS! a whole book of lisa frank stickers are cheap and replaceable so theres no excuse to savor those cute lil stickies. DO IT!


1/17/29

good morning everyone!
i am sneaking in a quick life update.. i am actually leaving for work soon but i have a couple of minutes to kill :-)
what to say? the days have gone by quick i totally missed my opening reception, but i spent the night with friends anyways so it was a good saturday!! and work is going okay..im definitely getting way more used to it than i was at the beginning. its either crazy hectic or theres nothing to do! anywho.. i also got my first real paycheck and that was nice i am in super-saver mode to have a big ol emergency savings! me n my partner are working torwards getting our own place and i am sooo happy okay okay i know i barely have made time for personal projects but !!!!!! i want to change that soon. i hate making the excuse of "i'm so busy" because with a full time job now this is my new normal.. so i should make art regardless! atleast that's what i think. im super happy im working in my field but really it's a backup job for when i make it big-time as an artist!! i know you guys feel me..

okay, it's getting close to 8:30! gotta go!
xoxo,
michelle

1/6/19

it's sunday!! whoo!
it was so nice to finally sleep in! lol. work is going okay i guess..still a lot to get used to. next week im on my own for the first time :-/ i think i will be okay. i spent the last two days installing my work for a group show! yesterday in particular i was chugging my big heavy paintings around.. so my arms are in pain! lol. i didnt get it hang it like i wanted to (not enough time to fix things, etc) but whatever i took some pics though!!


some of my 8''x10'' paintings!! i do all of these on panel and i really like how they turn out!


these were a little more work to put up.. this wall can't take nails (brick!) so everything had to be hung by string... not the easiest to install


as you can see... a mess lolol

it turns out the reception will be next week. i like having something to look forward to after work

have a good day, everyone!!
xoxo,
michelle

1/1/19

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!
if you are reading this, CONGRATS!! you have recieved 5,000 good luck
may everyone's wishes and dreams come true, may you kick ass in the new year and i wish happiness for you all

in memory of tia (4/27/94 - 10/8/18) R E S T . I N . P E A C E
my best friend for 10 years. in one year we went from spending the night out, to your cancer diagnosis, to your passing away. thank you for being my friend all these years. i miss you and i love you.

xoxo,
michelle

12/26/18

hello! this is my first entry!
today I have the day off, and tomorrow is my second day of work at my new job!! not going to lie, i am pretty nervous still.. the environment is very different from my past jobs! it's super busy and on a much larger scale. I have a lot to learn from the person I am supposed to replace.. but she's only been there for two months so I will probably come across things she didn't do!! can you tell im an anxious person ? I want to do really well at this job! it's my first full-time salaried job and that means me and my boyfriend can finally get a place of our own. it's something i have been really really looking forward to time to start saving big-time!! anyways, what to do on my day off? first, shower and then work on this website(it's a fun hobby!), and maybe get some painting done ? it's already 1pm as of writing this, so I can't procastinate too long.. we slept in today b/c of the holidays but i do have to get up early tmrw since i live so far away from work

don't get me wrong, i am very excited for what the future may hold!! also, I am participating in a group show here in nyc opening on January 4th!! stay tuned for more details

xoxo,
michelle